Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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