I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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