i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
