So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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