You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
