I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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