Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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