I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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