dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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