I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
