He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
