Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
