the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
