It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
