wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
