i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize