Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
whose parrot is this?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
