I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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