i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
