I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
