Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
