maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
