He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize