White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
