She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
