im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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