You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
