i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
