We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
