who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
