i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
