I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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