I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize