i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
