Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
