No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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