I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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