so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
