Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize