he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
