should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
