our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
