how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
