Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
