Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am one with the molecules
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
