I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
