dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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