I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
