Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
should my penis look like a turkey
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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