So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
