Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
