So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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