is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
