I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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