oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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