so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
