I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
