Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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