This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
