make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
