before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
