I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
