i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
