how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
