I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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