I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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