Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
