dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
