We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
