I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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