is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
