It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize