I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
