My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
