I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
