i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
