I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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