Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
