if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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