Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize