Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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