Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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