and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dont even know how to be here
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
