dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
