Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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