At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
