I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize