he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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