now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
