is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
