Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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