Apparently you make a good broom.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
