3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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