Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
