I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
