I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
