so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
