"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
