you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
