I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
