Pappa wants mamma naked
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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