I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
