just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
