I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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