it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
